Gesundheit!

Okay--here it is--post #3 (just 8 months later...I did mention in my description that I was a deep thinker, right?). But much has happened in the gap of time, in particular, the loss of my brother-n-law to cancer in late January. Just typing that gave me an instant lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach. It's a familiar feeling now--in fact, grief is almost like a companion now, however unwanted it may be, it is there. Kind of like seasonal allergies. However, at least with hay fever, you know the spring will eventually turn to summer and relief will be on its way. But I'm not so sure with grief. There is no guaranteed time that it will subside. Occasionally I can be busy enough to forget momentarily, but as soon as things slow down...there grief is again. "Oh, it's you again. I remember." At that point I have a choice:

A)Feel my feelings (which, although cathartic, is really unpleasant and difficult and it gets so old after a while) or
B)Ignore it--which takes a lot of effort, too--usually insane busyness--because the the emotion is so strong and begs for attention.

I guess I should add a third, healthier choice which would be a combination of both--to feel my feelings, but not get stuck. Rather, afterwards, move on to something productive with a healthy dose of busyness. Sounds great. Wish I could just take an antihistamine.

Nearly two months later and I have yet to really post anything. Time is a factor, but so is intimidation. It is intimidating to publish thoughts normally reserved for only myself, my journal, and my closest friends. Most of the time I start to write, I usually end up just reading other blogs and then I get overwhelmed with the volume of people with opinions out there and I wonder if there is room for one more and do I even want to enter this world? And then, the kids wake up or the phone rings or I have to go to the bathroom. Isn't this blog rivoting? Stay tuned to see if Mildred ever gets the courage to blog about something besides if she's going to blog or not...I know you are sitting on the edge of your seat!

What am I doing?

I have always been a journaler. Handwritten has always worked for me. I once kept a computer record of my kids' adventures, but then my computer crashed. I detest facebook (I know, I'm in the minority). Too much noise. Somehow, a blog seems like a good balance--very personal (which is the kind of writer I am), with the chance (small, I am sure) of someone else relating to my musings. And so I begin...